Script that almost made it. With art.
A Comic Script that was never produced.
This was a short that I produced with George Athanasiou. He pencilled two pages and then left to produce a pitch. I’m giving you guys a look at the script and the art because why not? Better than letting it rot in my hard drive.
I hope you enjoy it.
Okay. A Native American, Fala (crow in Choctaw) has found his way through time (doesn’t really matter how, but probably not through a wormhole), as well an ancient evil, the Chenoo. The Chenoo, although they are described as Ice Giants, I want the design to be more human, as though possessed by a spirit, instead of a big frosty giant man. I’m mixing some Native American tribes together, but don’t really see any harm in doing so.
Opening sequence. Fala and Chenoo lie in an alleyway. They are face down and unconscious after being transported through space and time. They both have guns and steel knives (they are from the late 19th century), they both look rough as they have been battling each other over the Chenoo murdering and cannibalizing Fala’s brother.
Fala is a hunter, that is his traditional role. Fala is a strong willed, loyal man that believes in his family and his ancestors, believes in the goodness of his people. In other words he is a hero archetype, but will be so completely out of his zone when thrust into modern day society that he won’t know what to do. Fala has a blackened steel blade with an eagle’s feather tethered to it’s bottom by a piece of hide, one that has been used to kill monsters before throughout time and space. The knife has a strange symbol on its side.
The Chenoo was a loner from another tribe, most likely driven away by his people and driven mad by loneliness and hunger. In this place he was overtaken by a spirit of disease, madness and black magic.
George, I’ve included some shot and layout suggestions, and know that these aren’t hard and fast, but only as I see them in my head. Feel free to interpret them as you want, but keep in mind I use some of them for pacing or comedic purposes. I trust you to deliver the goods my man.
Page 1 - Split into four horizontal panels (of course if you can think of something better feel free).
Panel 1: Offset panel across the top fourth of the page. Fala in the snow struggling with the Chenoo. There is snow swirling everywhere as the Chenoo is muttering evil gibberish. There is a snowy portal flashing up behind them. Fala’s brother Atepa is lying on the ground at their feet, his throat ripped out by the beast.
CHENOO (1) : (symbols)
Panel 2. Blank black panel for intro credits. and backstory blurb. Another fourth of the page.
CAPTION (2): Title, Creators etc.
CAPTION (3): Fala and his brother Atepa were hunting when a Chenoo spirit sprang from the trees killing Atepa by ripping out his throat. As Fala struggled with the Chenoo it spoke a curse that cast them loose in space and time. They have arrived…in the here and now.
Panel 3: The last half of the page Fala and the Chenoo are scattered within an alleyway, they are unconscious, battle damaged from their struggle across time, and from the damage that they have done to each other. The alleyway is not too crowded, but something that you would see in real life, lots of graffiti on the walls, garbage strewn everywhere and puddles of dirty water from a rainfall a couple of hours previous.
Panel 1: A couple standing over Fala and the Chenoo spirit looking over them.
MAN: What is this? Halloween?
Panel 2: Closeup of the Chenoo spirit’s eyes. They are closed.
Panel 3. Closeup of the Chenoo spirit’s eyes. They are open.
Panel 4. The Chenoo spirit tearing out the MAN’s throat with its teeth. Behind him the woman is looking on in horror.
Panel 1. The woman screaming as the Chenoo runs away.
Panel 2. I would like the next four panels very similar to each other, shot from the same angle, showing a somewhat similar image each time. This panel is the women’s head as she screams.
Panel 3. Fala looking curiously at the woman as she screams. Fala has gotten up off the pavement off panel to stand beside her.
Panel 4. The woman looking over at Fala.
Panel 5. The woman starting to scream again as Fala has gotten uncomfortably close and has taken a strand of her blonde hair in his hand to look at it.
Panel 6. Fala walking away from the woman. His face is pointed upwards as he has just started to realize his surroundings closer.
Panel 1. A splash of Fala realizing that he is in a modern city. The Chenoo is running across a busy street in front of him, a large six lane road with a meridian in the middle, traffic and people everywhere. This page is to accentuate how foreign the idea of being in a city is, how large, how noisy, how pungent the living city is to a tribal hunter with senses that are more acute than ours.
Panel 1. The Chenoo running away, as seen from behind.
Panel 2. Fala drawing his gun.
Panel 3. The Chenoo getting shot through the calf, and falling.
Panel 4. Fala running to get to the Chenoo, leaping over a car hood, onlookers gawking and looking confused.
Panel 1. Fala grabbing the Chenoo by the scruff of his neck.
FALA: Why? Why my brother? Why kill him?
Panel 2. Fala shouting.
FALA: What is this dream you’ve taken me to?
FALA: Where is my home? My family? What have you done to them?
Panel 3. The Chenoo
CHENOO: Your brother’s blood paid to get us here. And your family’s bones blow as dust in the wind.
Panel 4. The Chenoo
CHENOO: All the demons from throughout time are coming here. WE are here to destroy everything. We must empty this universe for HIS coming. We cannot be stopped.
Panel 1. Fala takes the knife from his hip, the feather trailing behind it.
Panel 2. The Chenoo looks up in fear.
CHENOO: What? That blade? Here?
Panel 3. Fala striking down. A huge flash is going off where impact is happening between the Chenoo and the blade.
Panel 4. Fala walking away from smoking ashes of the Chenoo. Bystanders look on confused as to what has just happened.
CAPTION: Fala…a man lost, our only hope against a demonic attack from throughout time.
Panel 5. Fala’s face. He is crying, his eyes wide open with terror.